The Voices in my Head – Where It All Began

 

  • Me: Audrie, what have you done?
  • Audrie: [Looks innocent.]
  • Me: Oh. No.
  • Audrie: I wanted to be in Inquisition so I kind of bribed Varric. He’s the one telling the story and….
  • Me: ……. Audrie Logan Cousland Amell Tabris! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!
  • Bob the Skull: It wasn’t that difficult. I could either molder on that dusty shelf waiting for Harry to ask me something or I could get out and see the sights. What a babe that blond is, too! How far do her spots go down, do you think?
  • Me: Okay. [Takes a deep breath] Audrie. I have never written even so much as one word of fan fiction for the Dresden Files. HOW did you get hold of Bob?
  • Audrie: Hey you listened to all those audio books and hear his voice in your mind enough. You really liked his T-Rex. It wasn’t that hard, and Bob needed to get out more often. Besides, Mouse was so cool! I had to pet the pooch.
  • Me: I don’t believe this.
  • Audrie: Oh come on, Mouse is adorable!
  • Me: ….
  • Varric: [to Bob] So what’s this about a Never Never and … what’s a car? You say the wizards there have their own, self governing council? This is going to be some story!
  • Me: [grinds teeth] Give Harry Dresden his Air Spirit-in-a-skull back you two.
  • Audrie: We just borrowed him. Harry can use some down time with all the stuff he’s doing over there. And I thought living in the World of Darkness was bad. Sheesh.
  • Me: I can’t believe you took Bob! What if Harry comes looking for him?! I’m NOT going to start writing fan fiction for this!
  • Audrie: We can teach each other magic. I really like the idea of his force rings, and I bet I’ve got a bigger staff. He could do some good, and I’d love to meet that Native American guy. The way he shapeshifted against the Skinwalker? Amazing. Beats my bear any day.
  • Me: [wearily] And what about poor Alistair?
  • Audrie: Simple. Marrke died slaying the Archdemon. Alistair became the Warden Commander and took over. He’s with Serafina and happy. Too bad the Keep wouldn’t let me put Reginald on the throne like your AU.
  • Me: I’m going to kill you. I’m going to kill you in Inquisition. You are going to go flying off the sides of cliffs. I’m going to get you so lost you can’t FIND Cullen!
  • Audrie: [Smug grin] But I’m going to get to be an Inquisitor so I can see him again, aren’t I?
  • Me: ………
  • Me: ………
  • Me: Fine. But I swear I’m going to let Batman be the next Inquisitor.
  • Batman: I don’t work days.

This isn’t going to make much sense to anyone who isn’t familiar with Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series. They’re enjoyable books. Some are better than others in the series, but I recommend them for anyone who enjoys a good story, some humor, monsters like vampires, werewolves, etc. and urban fantasy.

 

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